Friday, February 18, 2011

what i've been eating

it's time for me to be 100% honest. i'm not as healthy and animal-friendly as i lead on to be through this blog. to keep it real, i will tell you what i've been eating.


• 2 oz. kombucha tea

• 12 oz. black organic fair-trade coffee

• veggie burger topped with soy cheese, onions, mixed greens and sprouts, and a side of freshly cut french fries during a celebratory lunch at a local veg-friendly diner with friends.

• cup of chamomile and fresh ginger tea (it's helping to ease my indigestion and menstrual cramps.)

• honey roasted peanuts


• 2 oz. kombucha

• 12 oz. black coffee

• a few rye and caraway triscuits (from the pantry of bub and evie's house)

• beet, carrot, cucumber, apple, lemon and ginger juice

• non-vegan muffin made by my neighbor

• collard wraps stuffed with steamed broccoli and mushrooms, mashed avocado and raw cashew cheese with a side of leftover spinach penne and olive oil.

• homemade kraut

• apple

• ginger/chamomile tea

• ready for this... girl scout cookies! um, like 6 of them. AND milk chocolate covered caramel popcorn! about half a bag.

allow myself to explain... myself. girl scout cookies are delicious. but full of crap. regardless, john and i purchased three boxes from our niece, mia. we are down to one. we got them on sunday.

then... john's sister sent a package of treats for my birthday. it contained chocolates, popcorn, cookies, honey roasted peanuts and jelly bellies, which we consumed in three days!

speaking of my birthday... it started ideally with a shot of wheatgrass, gimme a beet juice, and a scrumptious salad with hummus and home-sprouted fenugreek.

that night i had quinoa with cooked veggies and a few slices of pizza with buffalo mozzarella. the next day, my family threw me a little surprise get-together and i ate veggie sandwiches, pizza, asian cole slaw, fruit, carrot cake, and chocolate-covered pretzels.

sunday, we celebrated all of the february birthdays on john's side, and i had a big salad with john's mom's breaded and fried chicken cutlets. she also made roasted red peppers stuffed with meat and rice which i've never had and really wanted to try. the gluttonous day was topped with another slice of non-vegan birthday cake and black coffee.

when it rains it pours.

this is not the first time i have eaten meat or dairy since "going vegan" and starting this blog. i mentioned it in a few posts and have "confessed" to my friends and family, but i am not ashamed. i'm doing my best. you may not think so, but i know so, and that's really all that matters.

the way i've been eating this past week is not typical, and i do go weeks with no animal products. obviously i am not vegan or vegetarian, and if one truly felt the need to label me, i guess flexitarian would fit, though i still feel that i am transitioning to a plant-based diet.
when starting this blog i was newly vegan (a vegan newborn=). i had transitioned for almost a year before deciding to be 100%-free of meat, eggs, and dairy. fresh out of a vegan cooking class, i wanted to show others how delicious plant-based meals really are. i also felt i could help save animals and heal others' health issues. it seems as though i came across this quote a little too late.

"sweep first before your own door, before you sweep the doorsteps of your neighbors."

while i shed excess weight and felt much healthier, i also got a little too thin and felt strong cravings for eggs and meat. i'm not sure if they were psychological cravings (as i was a huge 'meat and potatoes girl' before committing to an animal-friendly lifestyle), or true appetites for sustenance my body needed. i know i could have tried more supplementing but it just felt right to eat meat or dairy that someone else prepared, usually home-made with love.

eating is as much a physical act as it is spiritual, mental and emotional. changing your eating habits is not as easy for everyone as it is for some, and there is much judgment and debate online about which diet is best. i listen to most health gurus and take what resonates with me. most importantly, i pay attention and eat consciously, determining which foods are best for me and my body in the moment.

it has occurred to me that this post may turn many off and i may even lose some followers, but that's ok. at this point i'd like to connect with others who are going through the same thing or understand the challenges in transitioning to a plant-based diet and would like to support rather then condemn me.

as for my blog title... i have considered changing it, though my enthusiasm for animal-friendly foods has not changed. it is those foods that i enjoy creating most and make me feel best. above all, i wish not to eat animals or support cruelty against them in any way.

so this is my journey - the good, the bad and the ugly!=)


  1. I prayed for you. God bless you, truly. You are so delightful and I love your blog.

  2. Those Girl Scout cookies sound really good ;-)

    I love you just the way you are!

  3. Dogs are good, Dogma not so good. You have to do what feels right for you and no one else. Not everything is black and white. If everyone was as conscience as you, there would be a lot less cruelty in the world.

  4. Thanks for sharing and being honest. Since you've told me before, I am not in shock or anything. I don't always eat perfectly either, sometimes I overdo the sugar even if I KNOW it makes me sick. So I get the girl scout thing. I wish I could make you some raw vegan ones! (well I could but they might melt in the mail)

    Some of the doctors on the health debate did say that meat and cheese are addictive, so that is why people crave them. It's just another perspective since a lot of people think if they crave meat and animal products, it means they must have them. Just putting that out there.

    There's a bunch of folks out there who have been looking for my reaction to posts like this and compare how I act in different situations (weird but true!). I guess I just have to say that since you were honest with me, and didn't write a whole big dialogue about why meat is great or whatever, it's a lot easier to be supportive and really listen. I realize not everyone will be vegan for life. I hope the general trend for most people us to eat mostly plant-based. It seems like you are still a proponent of that, and not about to take a 180 with your diet.

  5. You're not losing me! :) Everybody makes mistakes and sometimes I don't know either if I am 100% vegan. For example, is sugar vegan?

    You have to find what's best for you. I'm thinking of my diet every day, I don't think I'm doing right. I need to eat more fresh and not so much salt or sugar. But then, I find I have nothing to eat in winter, everything is full of chemicals. In spring and summer we can grow our own greens and vegetables, but not in winter. Sometimes I starve a bit, because the fridge is full of unhealthy food and I feel depressed about it. Maybe I shouldn't consume bread and cooked foods at all. Maybe I should go raw. I don't know!

    Oh now I started talking about myself! :) But I'm sure you'll find your way and happiness. My sister tells me that veganism is about learning every day.

  6. The best way is staying honest to ourselves. You do the best to yourself if you don't strict to rules. There are many diets considered to be the best, but for who? I think we are all different and we are always in transforming. So if you feel today having a huge steak making you feel good, than do it. Perhaps tomorrow you will choose something different.
    I also do think, that are surrounding plays a huge role in are life, I mean that sometimes it is just hard to assimilate to our environment with a very different resonating diet. Love is the most important! And if you feel beloved with your friends and family eating animal based food, that's all right:)
    (I hope I could explain well my thoughts:) )
    With love from the other side of the world:)

  7. good honest post kelli. if eating foods that you know have negative repercussions works for you, i will not stand in your way. i'm done trying to change the world and i know you're quite aware of what your decisions entail regarding benefits and consequences. since plant based eating benefits me spiritually, and my goal along with longevity is mental and emotional transcendence, i can't see a reversion to animal foods in my personal future.

    and bitt, i think you're giving yourself a little too much credit on the "folks looking for my reaction" thing, no offense. you (and I) are not an expert. bloggers react and write opinion pieces, it's what we do. if people look to you or me as their guru, they're still a long way from making the best decision for themselves.

  8. I am glad you are honest with your readers and with yourself! You do what works for you. I will keep reading because you are genuine and I enjoy your posts! Xo

  9. Who needs labels anyway, just eat what you know is good for you both physically and mentally and if that includes eating a bit of meat on the rare occasion so be it. I had wild turkey soup two weeks ago and enjoyed it...there, shame on me.:) Now I did not kill that animal, it was a gift to us from my wife's son. In my mind family relations are important too.

    The majority of what we eat consists of foods that we grow. We exchange some of these foods with our chickens for eggs and in return give them a wonderful life with a nice shelter and as much room to roam as they could ever want. For the most part this is all that we eat and I feel really good about it.

    Honestly, the one thing I do feel bad about is the fact that in order to feed our dog and cats I have to come up with some meat...and this sometimes means that we do still take part in this terrible meat farming system that I so very much abhor. I'm working on a solution for that one though as it really grates on my conscious.

    Hang in there, you are doing wonderful and are a great influence on many people...more than you will probably ever know. I sure do like the name of your blog, but if you change it I will like that one too.

    And stay away from those girl scout cookies.:)

  10. The problem is when we become obsessed with this perfect ideal or Raw and Vegan we become blinkered, we idolise our raw/vegan celebs but yet have the audcaity to condemn those who eat SAD diets.

    There is nothing healthy about torturing yourself repeatedly with food, I learned this a hard way. I know what works well for me, I know what I can handle and what I cant.

    This is why I no longer label myself, Its impossible and so hard Im no longer raw vegan Im just a foodie, I love food and I know the balance.

  11. You've got a very healthy attitude there, Kelli(I'm proud of ya, Si*star*)!

  12. Rick, people aren't looking to me as a guru, just trying to point out inconsistencies to tear me down. I never billed myself as an expert, and that isn't the perspective people were critiquing my responses from.

  13. HI Kelli - belated happy birthday wishes to you! I hope you enjoyed all the treats and naughty foods. I think your blog title still works well as an aspiration or direction. I don't consider myself a vegan but I do consider myself someone who eats mostly vegan food. I'd rather not have the label. Enjoy :-)

  14. clint, thank you, that was so very sweet of you!

    granny, they are TOO good! how can anyone resist is what i want to know. but i think i can make them animal-friendly. there are recipes out there. and i love you too!=)

    jane, agreed, and thank you. i think i need to watch meet your meat to get me back on track. but i'm not ready for that heartache again just yet.

    bitt - i remembered you made them and i wanted to try but i got really lazy in the kitchen. another excuse - i was too cold! then i made disastrous lemon tarts that took HOURS to make, then fell apart! but i've made kraut, kombucha, sprouted and juiced - not too shabby!

    thanks lela! all this support means a lot to me! and you're doing great! if you saw what i ate when i was your age you'd cry. every hear of cotton candy or swedish fish!?=)

    thank you, norka!!! you explained perfectly well. thank you for your supportive words!=)

    rick - thank you. but i need to say this because this post is about honesty... how can i put this lightly... um, you're a trip! and i thank you for your support.=)

    thanks lauren!=)

    mr.h, but they're thin mints!=)

    i felt very proud saying i was vegan that short time, but then realized attaching myself to an idea is not healthy. i do wish to advocate for animals and i can still do that without wearing the veg label, so i think the title shall stay for now.

    i've heard of dogs thriving on homemade vegan food. not sure how you'd feel about that, but supposedly a vegan chocolate lab lived to be 27!

    mel - i'm guilty of looking down on meat-eaters when i was eating meat just months before! i guess i needed some humbling. finding your own balance is key - and no diet guru can tell you what that is!

    thanks cosmic!=)

    antony, thank you! i did enoy, though my body felt horrible after. good thing i've gotten into some healthy habits or i think i'd be in really bad shape right now!

    thank you joanna!


  15. To thine own self be true...and you are dear. I love your openess, honesty and your good heart.
    Love your blog and will continue to partake of your great offerings be they vegan recipes or just an interesting read. I'm not vegan, but would probably benefit if I were. of these days.
    Thank you,

  16. Hi sweetie! great post and don't change your blog title. i say hats off to anyone who even makes a few small changes to eat in a more animal friendly way. my boyfriend is a meat man but he loves a side of my "raw, vegan cool stuff" :-) i love that! labels often lead to restriction. you just keep doing what you're doing girl! i think you're a total sweetheart and i'll definately still be reading your blog! sending big hugs :-)

  17. Kelliann, I am beyond proud of all the changes you have made for your health and happiness. You have said, on this blog, many of times you are not 100% to where you want to be..Are any of us? I enjoy this blog for the recipes, crafts, gardening tips and so much of the "just fun stuff" you share. I love reading the loving comments from your followers. Truly a nice goup of people.. Unfortunately, there are those that feel the need to judge and even scold you. SHAME ON THEM!!. Keep on blogging..XOXOXO

  18. kelli i've been learning a lot about honesty lately. and it feels so much better to allow yourself room to grow, but also to speak about the things that you don't necessarily feel the best about.

    i know my blog hasn't been around to long, but i really embodied a raw food lifestyle for a long period of time. and with that i generally ate extremely healthy, and as of lately i've been eating things i normally wouldn't. like daiya on everything, and chocolate between every meal. so much sugar!

    while its nice to eat healthy, i feel like our guilt or want to shy away from something and feel weird about it is counterproductive to our health.. you've been one of friendlier people i've talked to on blogger and i'm excited to read posts from you!

    although i will always remain vegan, i practice compassion for everyone and i think its both beautiful and great that you are honest with your readers.


  19. thank you judy!xoxo

    emma - nice that your bf is into your food! thanks for saying such sweet things!!!

    thanks mommy. it means so much that i always have your support. did you ever know that you're my hero?=)

    thank you so very much, griffen! i felt like a weight was lifted after i posted this. i'm already falling back to my old vegan ways. yesterday while my friends ate dairy pizza i happily enjoyed my rice and beans and wilted spinach. and i felt GOOD.=)

  20. Hey, Kelli - I support ya no matter. I'll keep reading no matter. You doing what's best is the important thing. I'm not "perfect" either (who is with anything?) but I do enjoy/support the raw and vegan ways and will continue to do so always. I love your blog - I find it so inspiring from food, to music, to crafts. :)

  21. aww, thank you heidi!XOXO. yes, once you know how great it feels to be high raw/vegan, how could you not aspire to feel that way again?=)

  22. Kelli, this is a lovely post, and I admire your honesty. You are wise to listen to your body; we are all different, and what works for some, may not work for everyone in the long run. Good for you for listening to yourself - very inspiring, girl! :)

  23. darling! you never claimed to be a i don't think you have to explain anything...

    but this post was refreshing.

    love you...always will...regardless of what you eat!

  24. thanks for being so honest. these are the kind of things that most people in the health/raw/vegan community try to act like never happens to anyone...let alone themselves. ive been there right with you! i dont like labels at all, and i think once we start trying to call ourselves something (like vegan) our bodies chime in and we hear what they really need. however, im starting to like labels like "conscious eater" or "nutritarian." a conscious eater being someone who is aware of their food choices...even when they make mistakes. thats light years farther from where most people in western society will ever be blessed enough to find themselves! and a nutritarian, someone who enjoys seeking foods to nourish their body...which clearly you do.

    ive just started following your blog recently, and i really enjoy it...but from this post, i will absolutely be a follower in the long run! keep doing what you do...and pick something up when you fall down!
    love and encouragement,

  25. thank you for the heartfelt comment, eleni! yes, conscious eating is a term i'm comfortable with. my john calls me a conscious chef.=)

    i like that... pick something up when you fall down! thank you!xoxo

  26. There's nothing ugly about that journey at all!!! I think what's beautiful is that you were honest, I'm sure you felt like an insane load was lifted. The load shouldn't be there to begin with, but our mindsets and weird psychological barriers we put up mentally do this. The best way to avoid this is to build a foundation--and THEN build the house above it. If you convert quickly to veganism (mine was overnight), you will go through stages of questioning, etc. For some reason I had instant disgust over certain things, but other things I became addicted to like sugary desserts, and pb (nasty processed crap). Take one item at a time, an item you feel you really COULD NOT care less about to eat, even if it is not animal friendly, and for 2 weeks don't have any of it. Make sure you start off by thinking about it as 1 day at a time. I've been doing that with gluten and sugar (white/brown, etc) now and I feel great, even accomplished. YOU CAN DO THIS KELLI! and actually, if you don't want to stop indulging, by all means, continue to indulge, but at your own health and happiness.

    -Amy :)

  27. so true... great advice... thank you amy! xoxox

  28. Life is a process. We all have our challenges. We keep learning. Until I had my medical appts at the Tree of Life, and received guidance from one of their Masters students, I was lacking the medical tests and info I needed to have my nutrient needs met, thus cravings existed. But each journey is a process and allowing ourselves the chance to learn and grow can be healthy. Also, the spiritual component can make a huge difference but by no means does everyone feel that way. Keep taking good care of you.

  29. How are you liking the sprouting?? I am still lovin the Fenugreek!
    Right now I'm sprouting garbanzos--can't wait to whip up some dipola! Have you sprouted the sunflower seeds yet?
    Great post, honesty is always best--that is what I tell my kids anyway. It aggravates(is that spelled right?) me to no end when people lie.
    Peace & Raw Flexitarian Health,


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